Looking Back, That Did Seem a Little Suspicious
Прислал admin 12.07.2010 18:53

---

Looking Back, That Did Seem a Little Suspicious
They lived in suburban enclaves, they went to barbecues, they raised all-American kids. Now, they are accused of being Russian spies. (Maybe not particularly good ones, but spies nonetheless.) Yes, we are talking about the 11 “illegals” rounded up this week — some as nearby as Montclair, N.J., and Yonkers — and charged in the biggest international spy scandal in years.

That got us thinking: How can you tell your neighbors are spies? (Dave Letterman had the same idea for his Top 10 list Tuesday night, but we didn’t think his picks were that funny.)

We don’t do Top 10 lists here at City Room. Here, instead, are our top 20.

• When you ask where they went on vacation, they shoot you and bury your body upstate.
  
• Instead of asking, “Can I borrow a cup of sugar?” they ask, “Do you know anyone in policy making circles?”
  
• Why are their Happy Holiday cards always blank? Invisible ink … or War on Christmas?
  
• They are oddly impervious to torture.
  
• When your daughter tries to sell them Girl Scout cookies, they call her a capitalist cretin and order one lousy box of thin mints.
  
• Use teeny-weeny camera to take family snapshots.
  
• Always trying to swap identical pocketbooks with you.
  
• Their satellite dish not only receives signals from outer space, it also sends them.
  
• It’s a beautiful day — and again with the trench coat?
  
• Only family in the neighborhood that drives a Lada.
  
• Every spring, house festooned with elaborate May Day decorations.
  
• They politely decline to answer questions about their matching Sputnik tattoos.
  
• When you all got together to watch the “Sopranos” episode in which the Russian gets away in the woods, they cheered.
  
• Rather than a lemonade stand, their kids sell shots of Stolichnaya out on the sidewalk.
  
• The parents return their children’s birthday gifts with a Rocky and Bullwinkle theme, leaving a note expressing their preference for Boris and Natasha.
  
• When they’re away on vacation, you can hear small explosions and see smoke coming out of the mailbox from self-destructing letters.
  
• They knock at the front door in Morse code.
  
• They name their Russian wolfhound puppies Che and Fidel.
  
• To get their backyard barbecue grill going, they use reams of microfilm.
  

June 30, 2010
By THE NEW YORK TIMES